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A Shamans 5-Step Guide to Self Love

A Shamans 5-Step Guide to Self Love


This term ‘Self Love’ has become a big buzz phrase. For Good reason. I like to say to my artsy indie loving friends that pop stars become pop stars for good reason. Sometimes they share messages that are healing to the larger collective. Sometimes they really do have talent! And buzz phrases become buzz phrases for good reason. Sometimes they carry super high vibrations that are healing to the larger collective. Think about how good you feel when you say “Sorry not sorry!”. I love that one! Anyway, Lately I’ve been receiving messages from Spirit that many women (and some men too) are not loving themselves enough. And then Spirit started telling me that I wasn’t loving my Self enough… And I thought ‘oh boy. I guess I’d better dive deeper into this Self-Love buzz!’. And so here we are. Here’s what I’ll call my Shaman’s 5-Step Guide to Self Love. There are some practices here that are probably no-brainers, and there are some that go a little deeper, a little broader, and a little more esoteric. Hopefully you will be open and find the latter to be particularly helpful.



Realize How Loveable You ARE! Open Yourself Up To Receiving Love


Think of all of the people you love and all of the people who’ve ever loved you. What made you feel especially loved? Write down their names one by one… Mommy, pop-pop, auntie, your baby girl, your teenage son, your first love. Allow for images to fall into your mind, memories to play out like movies, feelings and smells to fall into your awareness; Allow for yourself to fully be present with each of them for a moment in Spirit. Visualize yourself laughing with whomever, hugging, squeezing, hand holding, eye-gazing, dancing… whatever it was. Write a list of what gift it was that each of these individuals shared with you in order to inhabit their own special place in your heart. Than ask yourself… “What gift did I share with them?” “Why did/do they love me so much?”

It may seem counterintuitive to begin this list with an exercise diving deep into the love we’ve shared with others… but we are so often more apt to give our love, than to allow ourselves to receive love. We forget how loveable we truly are. I’m here today to tell you that YOU are one loveable ball of light!

Yes… smile.

My first step in guiding you further into self-love is to help you realize just how loveable you are. It’s so much easier to love a loveable person isn’t it!



Self Care is NOT Self Love


This is a slightly confusing dichotomy of buzz words. Self-care is also a big buzz word, especially for busy hardworking millenials. We make sure to take our time for yoga or manicure, massage, exercise and hobbies… and these are important and should become a part of your daily practice… however they are not to be confused with self-love. Self-care paves the way for self-love. It’s much easier to look into the mirror and smile and feel love, when the person in front of you is healthy and glowing, with a fresh haircut or nice new shirt that makes her/him look and feel amazing. It’s incredibly easy to love someone who is confident and well cared for. And that someone is YOU. on both ends! It’s important to take care of your Self so that you can easily love your Self. But

to love yourself is not a physical practice. To love yourself is an emotional, energetic and spiritual practice. To love your Self, is to wrap her (or him) in a beautiful glowing blanket of light and then to simultaneously feel that light wrapped around your Self.



Natures Helpers in Our Self-Love Journey

Okay, so I said in #2 that Self love is not a physical practice… But I love exceptions! There are some earthly helpers that can assist us in loving ourselves. Here are my go-tos.


  • Crystals – Rose quartz. I write about Rose Quartz often. It really is a stone that makes me feel very connected to love. All forms of love. Also, Malachite is an incredible helper in self-love. It’s beautiful green radiates out heart chakra opening and activating and pulls all of that light back in toward the Self. This one has a very grounding energy as well, which helps to keep you grounded into your own body, loving yourself just as you are. And another that is begging to be shared, is Lapis Lazuli. Lapis Lazuli often comes in with women in particular, who need a little extra self-love and feminine awakening. With women on their healing journeys, the awakening of the divine feminine opens ‘her’ up to greater self-love.


  • Flowers & Herbs – These helpers will work for you in their various forms. Whether it be a floral arrangement, flower essence, body fragrance, essential oil, herbal tea… Chamomile and Lavender and Lilies are hardworking at that simultaneous act of giving and receiving love. These beauties will quiet and soften your heart and create a safe space for the heart to open up and receive love. And that love being received is none other than the greatest love of all… the love of Self. Please give this one a try.


  • Edibles – Chocolate and Coffee! Cliche for a reason. Many of you are fully aware that coffee does more than just ‘wake you up’. When a shaman speaks of waking up, she/he is speaking of more than just opening the physical eyes. Coffee wakes up your soul. When you wake up and sip that first hot cup of coffee (or tea), you are whispering to your Self… “Good morning, I love YOU.” And in the evening, when you sit down with that piece of dark chocolate, you are whispering to your Self “Good evening, I love YOU.” And your Self is responding… saying “Why Thank YOU… I love you too!” Studies by the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry and American Chemical Society and various others have shown that there are countless physical benefits to consuming coffee and chocolate. Notice how your body and soul respond to that next coffee or chocolate.



Call In Some Extra Help

There is so much Spirit help available all around us. You have a team of spirit guides, angels, loved ones, animal guides, goddesses, and of course the big One… God, Source, Universal Life Force… whatever you choose to call it. When you’re finding it difficult to get back into that space of loving yourself, stop for a moment and speak out to invisible ones. Whether you see them or not, if you speak out, they are there in a heartbeat. This team will help you remember who you truly are and why you are so fabulous… They will fill you up with love when you are having difficulty filling yourself up. Find a time when you’re alone, and just start speaking out loud. Don’t worry about looking crazy… no one that would judge you is there! Get ready for some awesome signs and magical sensations to run through your heart and soul.



Be your own best lover


I’ll end this self-love post here. We all crave romantic passionate love. Even if you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t, there’s a little spark inside of your heart that wants to be ignited into a strong burning flame. We come here in each life to learn and experience love in all forms and it’s completely natural for you to desire romantic love. If you’re single or if you’re in a committed relationship, loving yourself only strengthens that flame. To ignite your spark into a strong burning flame, I encourage you to become your own best lover. What would you like for your lover to do for you? Take you to a new restaurant? Watch a comedy movie with you? Buy you flowers? Concert tickets? Chocolate? Sexy undies? Jewelry? Start doing these things for your Self… You deserve it!

If you’re single, you may find that strengthening this flame, helps another bright strong flame to find it’s way to you.

If you’re committed, you may find that strengthening your own flame pulls your mates flame in even closer to your own. You may find that it strengthens your relationship and ignites something new and more passionate.

If you’ve enjoyed this Shaman’s guide to Self-Love, I invite you to join in on my Octobe Self-Love Challenge. I’ve created 31 days of Self-love activities, spanning from tiny acts to deep journal dives to oracle card exercises to ideas and inspirations for fun treats for your Self. In the end, my hope is that you will love your Self fiercely and begin to experience some serious magic in your life. Sign up for my October Self-Love Challenge here. Namaste on your journey back to loving YOU.


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